Quotes from The Expendables by CharacterEdit
[first lines of the film]
Barney Ross: We are the shadows and the smoke, we rise. We are the ghosts that hide in the night. oh
Pirate leader: Drop your guns!
Lee Christmas: Fat chance.
Barney Ross: Why do they always say that?
Dan Paine: Who sent you?
Barney Ross: Your hairdresser.
Trench: Oh, like I said. I'm busy anyway, so give this job to my friend here. He loves playing in the jungle. Right?
Barney Ross: [sarcastically] Right.
Mr. Church: [Uncertain] That's right.
Trench: [to Barney] Hey, why don't we have dinner?
Barney Ross: Sure. When?
Trench: In a thousand years?
Barney Ross: Too soon.
[Trench walks off]
Mr. Church: [Confused; about Trench] What's his fucking problem?
Barney Ross: He wants to be president.
Paine: How many men you got?
Barney Ross: Just your mother!
Trench: Have you been sick? You've lost weight.
Barney Ross: Whatever I've lost you've found, pal.
Barney Ross: [In the middle of a car chase] Get out there!
Yin Yang: Why me?
Barney Ross: Because you're smaller!
Gunnar Jensen (about to fight Yin Yang): What do you wear, size 3? Bring it, happy feet.
Gunnar Jensen: Warning shot!
Barney Ross: Gunnar don't!
Gunnar Jensen: [Fires his M79 Grenade Launcher at the pirate and blows him in half] Whoops! Aimed a little low.
Barney Ross: What the hell's he doing?
Lee Christmas: Hanging a pirate.
Barney Ross: Don't be ridiculous. Gunnar! What are you doing?
Gunnar Jensen: Hanging a pirate!
Gunnar Jensen: [Threatening The Brit] If you don't want that Fu Manchu knocked back into the 60's, you'd better keep your gum-chewing trap shut and show some respect!
(in the middle of a mexican standoff, a faint buzzing sound can be heard)
Barney Ross: What's that?
Lee Christmas: I'm getting a text.
Barney Ross: Excuse me?
Lee Christmas: [after beating up Lacy's abusive boyfriend and his friends on a basketball court; and after deflating a basketball with a knife on his chest] Next time, I'll deflate all your balls, friend.
[last lines] Lee Christmas: I'm gonna do you a favor, Tool. "I once knew a man called Tool/To me, was the epitome of cool/He was good with a knife/Bad with a wife/But to think he could beat me/Dreaming he'd defeat me/Cool Tool/You gotta be a fool."
Mr. Church: Only thing you need to know is the job's real, and the money's real.
Barney Ross: I got a feeling everyone else passed on this job, so our fee is $5 mil.
Mr. Church: $5 mil?
Barney Ross: And I want half upfront, and the other half in an offshore account. You got a problem with that?
Mr. Church: No. What I have a problem with is people who try to fuck me over. So if you take this money and you don't deliver, or you try to fuck me in some kind of weird cockamamie scheme of yours, me and my people are gonna come get you and your people and chop you up into little fucking dog treats. You got a problem with that?
Barney Ross: Let's talk.
Tool: I promised myself, I'm gonna die for something that counts.
Tool: [to Lee] I got a great idea. Why don't you let me doodle, like, a Charlotte's web on your head? On the top of your head. You know, something different, something exciting. 'Cause you got one of them perfectly shaped domed, muscular heads. I could put a web on the top of the head. Maybe a pregnant Charlotte coming out of your ear, peeking around, making sure them bugs don't come inside. Her long legs dangling down your neck. Yeah. Sexy, right?
Barney Ross: Very sexy. He looks thrilled.
Trench: Only an idiot would do this job.
Barney Ross: How much?
Trench: Like I said.
Hale Caesar: Great, they got a small army. What have we got?
[looks at Yin Yang]
Hale Caesar: Four and a half men.
[Everyone but Yin Yang laughs]
Yin Yang: Not so funny.
Hale Caesar: [after taking out a number of soldiers while his team is behind cover] Remember this shit at Christmas!